used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
