He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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