I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
