I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
