I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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