doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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