forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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