I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize