do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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