She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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