new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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