If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
