and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
