my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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