New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
