it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
