He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
