Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
