I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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