Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
