ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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