I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
