Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
