Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
