I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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