A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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