im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
