it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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