where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
