I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have post one night stand depression
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
