I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
