the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
