"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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