There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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