Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize