he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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