Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
