mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
