M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize