Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
