don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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