She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
is it fun? or sober?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
