I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
