Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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