The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
