she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
50% drunk capacity currently
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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