dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
