I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize