I am puke
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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