so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize