she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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