If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
