I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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