I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he fucked my hip out of place.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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