Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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