i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
