He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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