In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
