u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
