After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
