I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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