he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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