I accidentally burped into my bong.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
