I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
