he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
