I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
