I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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