you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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