Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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