Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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